My Empty Town

We have talked about the right to live, what about the right to die? If we are allowed to create life, why aren't we allowed to create death? What differs being alive and died? What is life? How do we define life? Who are we to define life? Why do we need a label named "alive"? Do we even realize the consequence of the definition? Do all living creatures have the same weight in their right to live? Why do we let humans live while killing the other living creatures?  Do we even have more rights to live? Again, who are we to define the right to live? How do we define the weight of life, anyway? By their purpose? Whose purpose? Initial purpose or determined purpose? Is there any purpose, though?

The number rises this year, from zero to one. I barely know him but I still feel miserable. From this little information, I know that he was a bright student. He was clever and determined. He always finished early because he understood how the code works and how to reach the goal. It is funny to know that we had similar calculation to reach our goal. However, he had something I don't have: strong will. In order to reach our goal, we need a good calculation in planning and strong will in execution. I was too coward to do it, and I am still a coward. He, unlike me, did a very good job in his execution. At least now I know that the plan could go well. Now the real question comes, am I going to do it? For now, I can say no. I am still a coward. The situation also changes and I have not found the right way... yet. I need to recalculate everything. I probably come to the determination in the next several years. Borrowing his spirit in Georgia, I rearrange things. This shit fucks me up. D...

Did I hurt someone whom I love? Did I make him cries? This should not happen if I didn't do it. I hate myself for not being assertive since the beginning. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.. I won't do it again. Please remember that it is not your fault. It is my fault. I told you that I won't let you suffer alone, yet I'm hurting you with my action.

Banyak sekali yang telah terjadi di tahun 2021. Sampai bulan November, aku berpikir bahwa tahun ini bertema "perpisahan". Aku berpisah dengan banyak orang, ikatan, tempat, maupun keadaan; dan kebanyakan merupakan perpisahan jangka panjang. Bisa jadi selamanya. Namun, Desember 2021 cukup bermakna buatku. Perjalanan, pertemuan, pengalaman, dan diskusi yang baru cukup menyegarkanku dan memberikan epilog yang baik untuk tahun yang sepi ini. Aku telah melewati banyak hal, dan aku merasa sedang berprogres untuk "naik" tahun ini. Ada pola-pola tidak sehat yang akhirnya bisa mulai kutinggalkan. Aku mulai punya kendali lebih atas diriku, kesehatanku, dan hidupku. Aku mulai percaya pada diriku. Terima kasih banyak untuk orang-orang yang sudah hadir di dalam hidupku. Meskipun pengalaman kita banyak yang kurang mengenakkan (dan kebanyakan karena diriku), semoga kalian ingat bahwa kita punya memori yang baik juga. Meskipun mungkin perpisahan kita kurang menyenangkan, aku merasa ...

Initializing connection... ... ... Failed (I want to be connected) [Aren't we all connected?] Initializing connection... ... ... Reset Initializing connection... ... ... Failed Can't connect? >> Yes >> Already connected

I just finished watching Impostor Factory (IF) gameplay. I was in tears for multiple times, it contains bitter-sweet scenes. I'm glad that I rewatched To The Moon (TTM) before watching IF. In a particular video, I found a comment mentioned multiple layers/parallel lives. It really helps me understand IF, probably. Anyway, I come to this platform to write things that messy in my mind, some ideas I got after watching IF, so I bet this writing wouldn't be well-structured. === Once, Faye said, "to me, time is a place"... I remember that in Finding Paradise (FP), there is one OST named Time is A Place. I didn't understand the meaning of the title at first, but it's different now. Faye, as the "controller" of the virtual world, can hop to any certain memories. To her, time is a place she can visit any"time". It's different to us, which only can visit one particular moment when it.. happens. Probably that is how people live in the 5th dimensio...

Okay, I want to be honest to myself so I can move on as soon as possible. I am aware that I lose my motivation in preparing my upcoming conference. The main factor was the rejection. A week ago, I proposed to my professor if I could work on his team again, after this project. He rejected me with a very good and understandable reasons: he wants me to learn more in new environment, new people, new experiences. I can accept that. But deep down, I am also not accept that hahahaha. Why do I not accept that? :/ Mmmmh first I need to know, why did I expect to be accepted, when he even has never had an assistant before. I think it's because I perceive this rejection as: "ah, I've been deserted. I'm all alone, even for preparing my future study." I had a motivation to continue my master degree and it was developing as he said we can discuss about it together. But hey, I am thinking too far. We only talked about my proposal to be a member in his research program, it doesn...

Esai merupakan sebuah teks yang berisi tentang opini penulisnya terhadap sebuah topik. Pada umumnya, struktur esai terdiri dari pendahuluan, isi atau pembahasan, serta kesimpulan. Bagian pendahuluan berisi tentang latar belakang atau deskripsi umum yang mengantarkan pembaca untuk memahami isu yang sedang dibahas dan apa pandangan penulisnya terhadap isu tersebut. Bagian isi atau pembahasan berisi tentang argumen-argumen yang mendukung opini penulis terhadap isu yang dibahas. Kemudian, bagian kesimpulan berisi tentang intisari esai tersebut sekaligus penutup. Di dalam dunia akademik, esai merupakan salah satu subjek yang memiliki peran penting. Pada umumnya, penulisan esai diajarkan di sekolah ataupun universitas. Pada sejumlah tes kemampuan bahasa, misalnya TOEFL IBT dan IELTS, menulis esai menjadi salah satu bahan untuk menguji kemampuan menulis pesertanya. Penulisan esai juga kerap kali menjadi persyaratan untuk seleksi beasiswa atau lamaran pekerjaan. Sebetulnya kita dapat mempertan...

Sesuatu selalu datang ketika stres sedang menumpuk. Saat Sesuatu datang, aku biasanya mau tidak mau akan memfokuskan perhatianku kepadanya. Aku akan sulit beraktivitas, sehingga aku selama ini menganggap bahwa Sesuatu menggangguku. Entah bagaimana, dalam beberapa bulan terakhir sebelum minggu ini, Sesuatu tidak datang. Aku bisa lancar mengerjakan aktivitas keseharianku, bahkan aku bisa memikirkan hal-hal yang dulu bisa kupikirkan sebelum Sesuatu mulai muncul "menggangguku". Aku bisa memikirkan pertanyaan itu lagi. Aku bisa memikirkan keingintahuanku lagi. Mungkin, Sesuatu ingin menahanku dari keingintahuan yang meluap-luap. Keingintahuanku adalah pedang bermata dua, ia memotivasiku untuk terus hidup, tetapi juga sempat mendorongku untuk mati. Aku adalah orang yang pertama kali sadar ketika Sesuatu datang. Aku adalah orang yang bertemu secara langsung oleh Sesuatu, aku adalah orang yang paling mengerti dengan apa yang ia lakukan, inginkan, dan apa yang aku ingin lakukan kepada...

Bagaimana caranya supaya aku bisa mencintaimu? Sedang kamu terus-menerus membunuhku Dengan kata yang tak henti-henti kau ucapkan Bagaimana caranya supaya aku bisa mengasihimu? Sedang kamu menegasikan aku Dengan harapanmu yang tak bisa aku penuhi Bagaimana caranya memaafkanmu? Saat dendam memakanku dari dalam Bagaimana Caranya Agar aku bisa menerimamu yang bahkan tak menerimaku